Nikos the Impaler (2003)

German horror director Andreas Schnaas is mainly known for being a shitty director that only produces trash. On the other hand he's gotten a decent cult following over the years. And by watching some clips of his movies on the internet I can see why. Gorehounds don't mind acting and a story, as long as you've got kickass gore. And that's supposedly what Schnaas brings you. So before I jumped into movies like Violent Shit, Zombie 90 and Demonium I gave Nikos a chance.

Due to a botched robbery attempt, a ruthless Romanian barbarian is somehow resurrected in modern day New York and begins wreaking havok on a small Manhattan art-house. Chaos ensues as the patrons of the establishment band together to fight for their lives. 

So Schnaas has stopped limiting himself to local woods to shoot his movies and now films on location in New York... Awesome!

The movie takes a while before (interesting) things start happening. This is usually a bad thing for movies like this because when nothing is happening we as a viewer start looking at the acting, dialogue and sound etc. which, lets be honest, usually sucks in movies like these. As is the case here. For at least 20 minutes we are forced to look at a couple of artard characters who visit a building with an art exhibition. Luckily there are two guy students who bring the slightest of humor, but overall it's pretty sad. So fortunately Nikos' mask is also part of the exhibition and so after some time Nikos himself finally arives too, and starts slashing up the place. 

What follows are a string of kills but also the sense of 'we've already seen this'. The kills are, especially for a Schnaas movie, pretty tame. Sure there's some nice gore but what's the point if you're only gonna show it for a third of a second and then cut away...? What's also a shame is that the first 40/50 minutes of the movie take place in one room and a few hallways. When you're in freakin' New York, make sure u use it! 

After a while Nikos finally decides to take his killingspree to the streets of NYC. From then on the movie starts getting more interesting, not to mention the tempo rises. A couple of fun scenes follow, the best being the massacre in the videostore (which also features a fun cameo of Troma legend Lloyd Kaufman). The real highlights of the movie though are undoubtedly the parts where Schnaas (with mask and sword) shoutingly walks around through NY traffic like a madman. I would've like to see more of that! 

What can't go unnoticed either are several totally random and misplaced scenes. Like the one where a chick takes a shower in such an over the top sexy way, it could come right out of a porno. Not to mention that the cameraman didn't fear zooming in on some parts of her body....

Schnaas goes completely over the top with the last 15 minutes of the movie featuring bad CGI and almost unexplainable plottwists. Even an overweight Hitler makes an appearence. Luckily Nikos wasn't to high on the reincarnation of Hitler and manages to slice him open in a matter of minutes.   

Is it a bad movie? Sure it is, does it surprise you? Even the kills aren't really worth mentioning too much. But still the movie manages to be somewhat entertaining, especially when Nikos takes his game to the streets of NY. The movie lasts for a long 100 minutes but never really gets boring. Not the most hardcore one of Schnaas though I'd imagine.

Fun Fact (Source:IMDB)

Nikos walking across the N.Y.C. street in the crosswalk was not a planned shot. The only reaction his walk got was from a local store employee who threatened to call the cops because of Nikos's sword and costume. 

 

Non-Horror Exploitation: Strike Commando (1987)

I closed my eyes, put my hand in the inexhaustible well of 80's Italian B action movies and out came ''Strike Commando''. The title, the director, the year, the poster... Every single thing pointed towards another 100 minutes of cheesy goodness. 

While operating behind enemy lines, Sgt. Mike Ransom learns of a Russian presence in North Vietnam. Ordered to obtain proof of this discovery, Ransom returns to enemy territory but is captured and subjected to a variety of tortures. Eventually he escapes to continue his mission despite being hampered by a traitor in his own ranks.

That plot sounds familiar to you right? That's probably because Strike Commando is another shameless rip-off of First Blood: Part II. Mulitple scenes are literally copied to the smallest detail. Unfortunately the movie itself isn't as entertaining as First Blood: Part II is.

Strike Commando was made by a group of reasonable big names in the Italian 80's scene. Director Bruno Mattei (or Vincent Dawn as he was rather called when he was making action/war movies) needs no further introduction with movies like Virus and Rats. The writing was done by Claudio Fragasso, who took part in Mattei's earlier named movies and also had a hand in movies like the infamous Troll 2 and Zombi 3. Nex to that the whole cast of Strike Commando has a, long, history in Italian B-movies. From the leading actors to the extra's, they all played in a long lists of 80's pulp.

Back to the kinda disappointing movie. The action is never really spectaculair. This may have to do something with the ease in which war-hero Mike Ransom kills his enemies. The only thing he has to do is fart and the tiny Vietnamese fall to the ground in big groups. Even the big Russian bodybuilder, who was thrown in the movie to create some resistance against Ransom, seems rather weak. The movie hits rock bottom when the two massive warriors go 1v1 in a fistfight. In stead of fucking each other up with haymaker after haymaker they pull each other's nose and scratch each other like they're 5 year old kids. 

 Strike Commando turned out to be a rather weak one. It even fails as pure entertainment. The action just isn't explosive enough and the whole movie even seems a little amateuristic from time to time. I won't even start on the multiple ''drama'' scenes where we should suddenly feel really sad for a dying figurant.