Non-Horror Exploitation: I Guerrieri dell'Anno 2072 (A.K.A. The New Gladiators) (1984)

Ouch, Lucio Fulci normally makes entertaining movies at the very least, but that certainly doesn't go for The New Gladiators, which is pretty atrocious. 

In the future, two television networks compete for ratings by producing violent game shows. One network produces a modern day version of the Roman gladiators, only on motorcycles instead of chariots, and uses convicted murderers as the participants, The network decides it needs a champion for this sport, so they frame a constant winner from another game for murder, and place him on the show.

Apart from the whole movie being cheesy as hell (shiny space-suits, laserbeams and villains with evil laughs etc.), the movie is also plainly bad in most parts. Lucio Fulci seemed to have forgotten why people watch movies like this... For the action. In stead Fulci decides to go all ''artsy'' with bright, flashing neon lights and boring subplots. It takes more than an hour before we finally get to see the gladiator fights, who last for about 10 minutes. I'll be the first to admit that these action scenes do look pretty cool with a lot of explosions, some cool stunts and some gore here and there, but these action scenes are just too scarce.

Riz Ortolani provided a lovely soundtrack for this movie, filled with cheesy 80's tunes. Every now and then there's a cool scene (most notably the scene where the four gladiators are forced to hang onto a steel pipe for 10 minutes above a floor that's rigged with electricity). There's also the cool looking scenes where we see the miniature model of a futuristic Rome. 

So this turned out to be one of those few disappointing Fulci movies. The only way you can see this is a Fulci movie is by the camerawork and the few gore scenes (yes, even in this movie he had to fuck up an eye). The action scenes look cool but it doesn't make up for the first hour of complete bullshit (including dated special effects).

Fun Fact (Source: IMDB)

The original title of the movie is "I Guerrieri Dell' Anno 2072", but the date changes a lot according to some countries. In the UK, the title is "Rome 2033 - The Fighter Centurions", and even the first Italian VHS pushed the date a little later - it was re-named "I Guerrieri Dell' Anno 2079".

Non-Horror Exploitation: Endgame - Bronx Lotta Finale (A.K.A. Endgame) (1983)

After Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Buio Omega, Antropophagus and Rosso Sangue, Endgame is my fifth movie by Italian trash director Joe D'Amato. Unfortunately this post-nuke action flick kinda disappointed me.

A telepathic mutant recruits a post-World War III TV game-show warrior to lead her band of mutants to safety.

I have to give a compliment to D'Amato. Unlike many other Italian directors around that time, he didn't completely rip-off movies like Mad Max and The Warriors. The ''Endgames'', a competitive game where 3 hunters hunt for 1 man, are pretty cool and he even came up with a telepathical plot. It's a shame that I couldn't care less about that telepathical bullshit though.

Al Cliver was hired to be the main character. Even though he was my favorite character in Fulci's Zombi 2, he isn't as convincing here. He has the perfect face for these kinds of rolls but he's a little bit too stiff to really come across as a veteran anti-hero. The rest of the B-cast will have genre fans drool all over there screen. Apart from Al Cliver we've got Bobby Rhodes, George Eastman, Laura Gemser and Gabriele Tinti. Unfortunately most of them aren't used to their full capacity. Bobby Rhodes unfortunately dies within the first 15 minutes, George Eastman is cool but also somewhat quiet in this movie (where are his classic one-liners!?) and Laura Gemser only shows her bare chest once in the movie, during a noticible scene where she gets raped by a fat, drooling, fishmonster.

Endgame has got a good amount of action but it doesn't really grab you by the balls. Maybe that's because the rival groups, which Al Cliver and his men go op against, just seem way too retarded. There's the vikings, wearing animal fur and some leather straps, there's some swordwielding blinds in burqas and of course the agressive mutants devided in two species: The primates (who looks like they just stepped off of the set of the original Planet of the Apes) and the fishmonsters (including fish scales). Especially the latter ones look hilariously shitty. What this movie misses is a real, threatning main villain. Instead they just come across random groups of weirdos who don't form any kind of threat at all.

I'd still advice you to watch Endgame though if you're interested in Italian post-nuke movies from the 80's. The cast is filled with idols and from time time the movie is as cheesy as can be (prime example: The SS (Security Service), wearing gestapo-like uniforms, who sweep areas looking for mutants). Apart from that, the ending, in which the enemies are killed in interesting way by the use of telepathy, is actually pretty cool. What's also fun is the multiple spaghetti-western influences you'll see through the movie. Endgame certainly isn't a good movie, even for its sub-genre, but it's entertaining none the less.

Fun Fact (Source: IMDB)

Of all his movies, director Joe D'Amato has stated that he likes this one best.

Il Gatto Nero (A.K.A. Demons 6: De Profundis) (1989)

As is the case with many Italian horror movies from the 80's the title has nothing to do with what we get to see on screen. This movie has got nothing to do with black cats or Edgar Allan Poe's story. It also sure as hell hasn't got anything to do with demons or the Demons franchise. Nope. Against all odds, this movie turned out to be the unofficial third movie in Dario Argento's ''Mother'' series (Suspiria and Inferno). Hell, they even used the brilliant main theme of Suspiria in this movie. 

A horror movie in production resurrects a witch called Levana, who is the main evil character in the movie. Levana tries to take over our world so that evil can be spread everywhere, but the only one in her way is Anne, who is to play Levana in the movie. Now, the battle of good and evil begins.

It starts off pretty good with a great atmosphere and a fun concept. We follow a director who got inspired by Argento's Suspiria and who has decided to make a movie about the third witch. What he doesn't know is that this witch isn't too happy about that and manages to make the idea for the movie reality (a little confusing, I know). The first encounter with the witch, where she suddenly jumps out/through a mirror with rock music playing in the background, is absolutely great. 

Unfortunately it starts to go downhill after that. The movie is as confusing and incoherent as can be. Literally nothing makes any sense. Still, even though by this time I had no idea what I was watching, it manages to be somewhat entertaining. The atmosphere is still great and every now and then there's a little gore. It's funny that even after all those years director Luigi Cozzi hadn't forgotten about his exploding stomach effect he used in Contamination (1980), and uses it in this movie as well. The soundtrack is a pretty big joy to the ear. There's the rock music, the main Suspiria theme and another score that sounds an awful lot like Ennio Morricone's work in The Thing (1982). 

Incoherent, strange and not really good. That about sums up this movie. Still, mainly due to the great atmosphere, it's a pretty entertaining movie. It's not great by any means, but I don't regret watching it. Hell, the ever so beautiful Florence Guérin is reason enough to watch this one.

Non-Horror Exploitation: L'Ultimo Bus di Guerra (A.K.A. The Last War Bus) (1989)

Though I still have to watch the first one, I decided to not let it hold me back and jump straight into Warbus 2. The poster indicates a bumpy ride with a long haired hero wearing a cool outfit. That turned out to be a marketing trick though as the hero in this movie walks around Afghanistan with a turtleneck sweater and nicely gelled hair. Mark Gregory has grown up though. He isn't the slightly gay looking stiff guy he was in the Bronx Warriors movies, and manages to handle his role in this movie with a little more charm, even though his looks did remind me of Lorenzo Lamas.

So Johnny Hondo is on a mission in the Russian invaded Afghanistan and once he has freed some prisoners he quickly realises that they're not going to make it out of Afghanistan on foot. An old, rusty bus is their only way out.

Even though the poster made it look like it was going to be an action filled flick, the first 45 minutes are terribly slow and boring. It's mostly shots of Gregory making his way through mountain landscapes with a cool sounding 80's music score in the background. He frequently comes across some Russians who he quickly guides to the light at the end of the tunnel. A lot of firefights, but they don't even manage to be entertaining for  a second. It's mostly extras who dramatically fall to the ground without any visible gunshot wounds (like you'd see in 60's Westerns). The few dialogue that there is is done between Mark Gregory and an Afghan kid and is often embarrassingly bad.

Fortunately after about 45 minutes and a The A-Team-like repair sequence the warbus is ready for action. From the moment they get in the rusty old wreck the movie starts to get entertaining. Not coincidentally that's also the moment Bobby Rhodes starts getting screentime. He's easily the best and funnies character in the movie, just like he was in Demoni 1 and 2. Speaking about Rhodes, the B-cast of this movie is a notable one: Mark Gregory, Bobby Rhodes and John Vernon. Luckily the action starts picking up and gets more explosive as well, including the warbus having to fight his way through mortar grenade after mortar grenade.

''The Last War Bus'' (released under a variety of titles like War Bus Commando, Warbus 2, Warbus II Afghanistan and Afghanistan Connection) is anything but a good movie. The first 45 minutes are terribly slow, but the scenes with Bobby Rhodes and the warbus make up for it. It's a must see if you're into movies where the hero manages to blast appache helicopters out of the sky with 2 shotgun rounds. Also the last movie Mark Gregory appeared in, after which he disappeared and was never heard from again.

The Video Dead (1987)

I was absolutely convinced that there was a sequel of The Video Dead but apparently, although there were plans to do it, it never happened. Looks like we're gonna have to do with this one, which isn't a punishment either.

An unlabelled crate from an unknown source is delivered to a house in the woods. The homeowner unwisely accepts the delivery, only to discover it contains a TV set that starts spewing giggling zombies all over the place. When a new family moves into the now-abandoned house, the son discovers the haunted televsion and is soon told what he needs to do to send the zombies back where they belong. Knowing and doing, however, are two very different things, and the zombies are not likely to go quietly. 

It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that The Video Dead isn't a 'good' movie. First of all the dubbing plainly sucks. Did they record it in an empty bathroom..? Furthermore the movie, when zombies aren't roaming around, tends to get a bit boring. 

That doesn't take away that it's still an entertaining one though. The 'The Ring'-like concept is fun and the scenes in/on the tv are actually creepy as fuck. The zombie make-up looks pretty brutal, although they look like burn victims more than anything. There's one 'zombie' in this movie who wears a wedding dress and who absolutely creeped the fuck out of me. What also needs to be noticed is the music score and the gore. Both are done pretty decently, although you shouldn't expect an all out gorefest. 

There's not a single moment in this movie that doesn't look cheesy and amateuristic. Hell, the forest scenes look like they were directed by Andreas Schnaas. Still you got to give it to director Robert Scott. He came up with some fun additional ideas. The zombies for example aren't normal zombies who are just looking to fill their stomachs, they're actually jealous of the 'living' and see themselves as disgusting creatures. That's why they kill the living, which I thought was a cool idea. That's exactly why I thought the last 20 minutes of the movie were the best, as that's the part where they play around with those ideas the most.

The Video Dead is not close to being a good movie. But that's not why this thing was made in the first place. It's made to entertain, which I think it did. There's a decent music score, some fun gore, cool make-up and some awesome ideas from director Robert Scott.

Fun Facts: (Source:IMDB)

Actor Jack Stellman would get so into his zombie role that he wouldn't talk to his other cast members, he would instead glare at them from across the room or grunt when they spoke to him. All of the zombies in the film had to audition for their roles by grunting/growling and performing their best zombie walk which were then incorporated into the finished film. Mr. Stellman came into his audition completely silent and in character, staring at the director with his "glare" and only delivering inaudible noises when asked questions. He was cast on the spot. 

While filming the infamous coming out of the television scene, actor Jack Stellman nearly fainted from breathing in the Co2 used to create the fog effect and had to be taken outside for air.  

After the film was finished, the distributor thought it wasn't gory enough for a zombie film and gave the production team additional funds to go back and shoot some gory bits that they could edit into the film. 

Troll 2 (1990)

They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh my gaaaaaawwwwddd!

Yup, that's just one of the many legendary lines from the infamous cult-classic known to mankind as Troll 2.

A young child is terrified to discover that a planned family trip is to be haunted by vile plant-eating monsters out of his worst nightmare. His attempt to save his beloved family is assisted by the spectre of his deceased grandfather.

Obviously Troll 2 is known to be one of those movies that's so bad it's good. I'm not about to deny that's the case. Overall the acting is absolutely TERRIBLE (though it has to be said that George Hardy is absolutely magnificent in this movie, often dressed in ultra manly PJ's) and the trolls, including plastic masks, can't be taken serious for a second. Troll 2 does distinguish itself from the absolutely TERRIBLE movies out there though. Stuff like camerawork, lightning, audio and music score are all done relitively well, which thankfully makes it very pleasant to watch this pulp-fest. 

Every now and then you do wonder what the hell Claudio Fragasso was thinking. There's for example a scene featuring tons of popcorn, you'll immediately know what I'm talking about if you've seen the movie, that's just completely ridiculous and doesn't make sense (even for a movie of the standards Troll 2 has). 

 It wouldn't have hurt if the movie's running time was a little shorter. After about 75 minutes I'd pretty much seen it. Still Troll 2 absolutely deserves its status and makes for some absolute great fun. Also I just can't hate on the acting, no matter how bad it is, when it's done with so much fun by the actors.

On a more critical note, it's absolutely sad that after all those years Claudio Fragasso still thinks his movie was really good, and that we're all just blind idiots who don't see the obvious qualities of this movie.

Fun Facts (Source: IMDB)

In Best Worst Movie (2009), Don Packard, said that he was in-and-out of a mental hospital during filming. When he watched it later, he realized he wasn't acting in his scenes; he really was as disturbed as his character. 

 

Director Claudio Fragasso is still angry about the film's poor reception. He crashed a cast reunion Q&A. After he was escorted out of the room, he heckled the cast from the hallway, calling them "liars" and "dogs" as they answered fan questions.  

For George Hardy's audition, all he did was act out his now famous line "You can't piss on hospitality!" in front of nine smoking Italians, none of whom understood English. George was told that he got the role partially because the Italians loved the energy he put into it. 

 

In fall 2007, during a special screening in New York, the cast members said that during production, they had serious doubts about how the movie would work. The entire crew spoke only Italian, except for the costume designer, who translated the director's directions to the actors. 

The Collection (2012)

Since The Collector (2009) is one of my favorite horror movies, The Collection (2012) had to be a step down. And it is. Even though the movie is directed and written by the same guys as The Collector was, the movie takes a completely different approach than the first one.

Arkin escapes with his life from the vicious grips of "The Collector" during an entrapment party where he adds beautiful Elena to his "Collection." Instead of recovering from the trauma, Arkin is suddenly abducted from the hospital by mercenaries hired by Elena's wealthy father. Arkin is blackmailed to team up with the mercenaries and track down The Collector's booby trapped warehouse and save Elena.

The reason The Collector (2009) was so powerfull was because they kept it simple. There was a small cast, one small setting and nailbiting suspense. In The Collection (2012) they swept away the simpleness and went for bigger and more explosive. Along with Larkin half a dozen of mercenaries are sent along inside the hideout of the collector. The movie's setting changed from a house to a huge abandoned hotel. Unfortunately this kills most of the terrific atmosphere the first movie had. In The Collector (2009) there was an ongoing suspense because the killer and Larkin were in the same, small, house and could stumble upon each other every second. In the Collection though the hotel is so big that you can easily make sounds and scream for help without anyone on the other side of the hotel noticing. A real shame, because gone is the claustrophobic vibe of the first movie.


That doesn't mean that there is no excitement and tension in this movie though. The scene where the group stumbles upon the collector's drugged up human watchdogs is very creepy for example. Apart from that there are some nice jump scares and the gore, while more over the top than in the first movie, does its thing. Josh Stewart fortunately returned as Larkin and the rest of the cast does a decent job as well. 

The Collection turned out to be a step back in quality from the first one, but that was to be expected. That doesn't take away that it's still a pretty awesome horror movie. There is gore, tension and some creepyness here and there. Due to the bigger, more actionpacked, approach, the real suspense the first movie had is mainly gone though. You can compare it with the Saw franchise. The first movie was simple yet terrifying, whereas the follow-ups were bigger, more gorry and more explosive yet still entertaining.

Fun Fact (Source: IMDB)

The "Hotel Argento" where the Collector has his victims is a nod to the cult Italian horror director Dario Argento.