L'Ultimo Squalo (A.K.A. The Last Shark) (1981)

One of the many masters of the Italian B-Film, Enzo G. Castellari, has surprised me yet again with how far the Italians went in the 80's when it comes to ripping off Hollywood. This time ''Jaws'' was their victim, producing an almost equal movie when it comes to the storyline but not when it comes to quality.

Port Harbor is a quiet, nice little town getting ready for a competition between windsurfers. Suddenly a gigantic great white spoils the party by killing multiple people. Mayor Wells doesn't want an economic breakdown of the town and orders the festivities to continue, but will soon regret it.....

L'Ultimo Squalo, also know as The Last Shark, Great White and The Last Jaws, starts off as cheesy as it can get. A typical 80's douchebag performs some tricks on his surfboard while one of the cheesiest songs I've ever heard is played in the background. I was yearning for the shark to kill all these douches after 5 minutes already.

The cast obviously is all but special. The characters and actors performing them are pretty much all boring as hell, with the exception of one guy----> Vic Morrow. Morrow plays the role of rough sharkhunter Ron Hamer, a character that's almost identical to Jaws' Quin, and does very well. Robert Shaw and Vic Morrow even slightly look like each other. The latter one died a horrifying death a year after The Last Shark's release. While filming for John Landis' part of the movie The Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) a helicopter went too close to a detonated explosion on set. The tail of the chopper exploded causing the chopper the crash onto the set where it decapitated Vic Morrow and child actor Myca Dinh Le and crushed another child actor called Renee Shin-Yi Chen. A story that saddens you even more when you see the footage of the crash.

Back to the movie, that strangely enough is quite boring. There is some boring dialogue, under water shots that aren't really clear and some atrocious stock-footage where Castellari thinks we can't see the difference between a dolphin and a gigantic great white... The best parts of the movie are obviously the ones where the, fake, shark is present in full glory. Every now and then he like to point his head out of the water and roar. True it's cheesy, but it's the good kind of cheesyness. 

There are one or two scenes that really stand out. One being the ''Helicopter scene'' where the shark manages to pull someone out of the chopper, bite his legs off and then just drags the whole helicopter under water. Another good scene, probably my favorite, is the part where a part of a pier comes loos and drifts to the open sea with multiple people on it. These people are then hunted by the shark with no where to go.

L'Ultimo Squalo isn't all trash, but it's less entertaining that what I had hoped for. The great white itself is freaking epic but I would have liked to see him a bit more during the movie. Overall I just thought the pace of the movie was to slow. Castellari produces some legitimate good scenes not to mention the excellent soundtrack by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis. I just would have liked it all a bit more exciting. Perhaps I'll find that in Bruno Mattei's 1995 Jaws rip-off ''Cruel Jaws'', which I've heard used shark scenes from this movie.

Fun Facts (Source: IMDB)

Shortly before the film's release, Universal Pictures filed suit against the producers, claiming the film was too similar to Jaws (1975), and the Australian distributors, for breach of copyright regarding Peter Benchley's book "Jaws". Universal won an injunction, and the film was pulled from theaters. 

The video was released in Japan as "Jaws Returns", a supposed "sequel" to Jaws (1975). The box cover art contains the same Jaws font and logo used on all promotional materials for the Steven Spielberg film.  

Released in Spain as if it was the third part of Jaws (1975). 

Director Enzo G. Castellari thought about making a sequel, appropriately titled "L'ultimo Squalo 2". But because of the mechanical shark being damaged after shooting, the sequel was never made. 

Apocalypse Domani (A.K.A. Cannibal Apocalypse) (1980)

Apocalypse Domani is a film made by Antonio Margheriti, who is a pretty big name when it comes to 70's/80's Italian horror flicks. In 1980 he decided to make a cannibal movie. But unlike guys like Ruggero Deodato or Umberto Lenzi, Margheriti decided to make his cannibal film in a large city instead of the jungle. 

Two Vietnam veterans are freed out of the hands of the Vietcong. When they return to civilization they discover that their experiences as prisoners of war have led to a insatiable urge for human flesh.

So instead of the jungle we get the city. Sure it's original but that doesn't necessarily make it a good move. I always liked the jungle vibe in a cannibal movie and sadly there is none in Cannibal Apocalypse. The first part of the movie is actually pretty boring. Uninteresting dialogue and unimposing shoot-outs is pretty much what we get. Luckily John Saxon and Giovanni Lombardo Radice (why choose a alias like John Morghen when your real name is Giovanni Lombardo Radice!?) are two very entertaining actors who know what it takes to rightly fill in a character in a b-movie. Especially Lombardo Radice is in form as a mad, flesh eating, Vietnam vet.

Cannibal Apocalypse finally gets more fun when Saxon joins the club of cannibals, which is after about 50 minutes. From that moment on the action starts getting more entertaining, although it still isn't great. Another thing is that Tony King starts getting more screentime and does very well. He's really great to watch as another completely lunatic, cannibalistic vietnam veteran, who also seems to have the tourette syndrome. 

Even though we're not in the jungle the animal cruelty hasn't completely disappeared. It IS minimalized but it's still there. This time it comes in the form of a two second shot of two rats who are set on fire by a flamethrower while still alive. The shot is about as useless as it sounds and adds absolutely nothing to the film.

Overall Cannibal Apocalypse certainly did not turn out to be what I hoped it would be. It has nice acting from b-movie heroes like John Saxon and Giovanni Lombardo Radice and some decent gore effects but that's about it. An opportunity missed in my opinion.

Paura nella Città dei Morti Viventi (A.K.A. City of the Living Dead) (1980)

City of the Living Dead is Lucio Fulci's first film in the ''Gates of Hell'' trilogy. And once again he manages to create a very, very entertaining movie. 

In the small New England town of Dunwich, a priest commits suicide by hanging himself in the church cemetery which somehow opens the gates of hell allowing the dead to rise. Peter, a New York City reporter, teams up with a young psychic, named Mary, to travel to the town where they team up with another couple, psychiatrist Jerry and patient Sandra, to find a way to close the gates before All Saints Day or the dead all over the world will rise up and kill the living.

City of the Living Dead is far from an average zombie flick. In fact, zombies are not the main thing in this movie. Certainly not the first +- 30 minutes. Fulci focuses more on the supernatural in this movie, and it turns out to create a very cool one.

The cast is fun. Carlo De Mejo does a decent job, although I would have liked a little bit more facial expression in the last scene. Christopher George is cool, Giovanni Lombardo Radice is great as always as the creepy guy and Fulci's favorite scream queen Katriona MacColl has a leading role again as well. Also look out for small role of Perry Pirkanen, who around that same time had been viciously killing a turtle in the jungle in front of the cameras of Cannibal Holocaust. 

City of the Living Dead starts fairly slowly. The music and atmosphere are great though so you will definitely be entertained even though not a whole lot is happening. When Fulci decides to up the tempo we mainly get to see some amazing gore. The ''drill scene'' and the ''puking guts scene'' are classic gore scenes in this genre. Especially the latter one is downright insane. 

The ending scene in the tomb is very atmospheric but kinda loses its power due to the lack of facial expression of Carlo De Mejo, who continually just stares in front of him like he's bored. The evenual ending isn't really clear to me either. I think Fulci was trying to get the audience to create their own ending in their head but in my opinion this attempt fails miserably.

City of the Living Dead is another one of Fulci's classics that doesn't disappoint. The atmosphere is great, the music is creepy and the gore is simply amazing. The perfect formula for a great Fulci movie, though somehow it still doesn't match up against the likes of The Beyond (1981) and Zombi 2 (1979).

Fun Fact (Source: IMDB)

For Daniela Doria's death scene, in which her character vomits up her internal organs, the actress swallowed and regurgitated a plate of tripe. In closeups a fake head was used, which contained a pump that spewed the organs out more forcefully.

Creepshow 2 (1987)

I yet have to watch Creepshow (1982) but since story didn't seem to be much of an issue in these series I thought I might as well give Creepshow 2 a shot before I watch the original. Although Creepshow 2 turned out to be an entertaining flick I still was slightly disappointed, mainly due to the huge popularity of these series among 80's fans.

"Creepshow 2" is divided into three stories, conducted by a leading segment where a boy that loves the horror comic book Creepshow buys seeds of carnivorous plant and is bullied by four teenagers. Meanwhile the Creep tells the tales of Creepshow.

                                                                            Tale 1: "Old Chief Wood'nhead"

''Old Chief Wood'nhead'' is about shopowner Ray and his wife Martha who live in a deserted town where no money is to be made anymore. In front of the store is a wooden statue of an indian warrior, which Ray is very fond of. They kill the couple and make a run for it. Then the statue of the indian warrior turns to life and looks for revenge. 

Old Chief Wood'nhead is definitely a disappointing segment. The story is slow and boring not to mention that the acting is absolutely horrible. When the wooden statue awakens things turn a bit more entertaining, mainly due to the decent kills. Still this segment is a very weak start for a film. 

-2 out of 5-

                   Tale 2: The Raft
''The Raft'' is about a group of schoolkids heading for a lake and its raft. As soon as they are on the raft they notice that a slimey water monster is circling the raft. It soon kills its first victim and there are many more to follow.

The Raft actually does have a good tempo. It only takes a couple of minutes before the group are on the raft and hunted by the sea monster. The gore effects in this segment were pretty cool, not to mention the booming 80's music featured in this story. The reaction of the group when their friends get eaten alive by the monster are way to amateuristic though, which kinda gets you out of the cool vibe this segment has. The ending is amazing though and totally makes up for it. 

-3,5 out of 5-

                                                                                                 Tale 3: The Hitchhiker
The Hitchhiker is about a woman who accidentally hits and kills a hitchhiker who was standing on the side of the road. She decides not to take the risk of destroying her life by going to prison and drives away like nothing happened. Soon after the hit and run she sees the hitchhiker standing on the side of the road again, and this time he's out for revenge.

Creepshow 2 saved the best for last as The Hitchhiker was definitely my favorite segment. The tempo is good and as soon as the hitchhiker is run over, the movie turns to horror with non-stop suspense. There are a few great jump scares and the gore scenes are pretty nice. Not to mention that this story actually is legitimately scary at times.

-3,5 out of 5-

Creepshow 2 turned out to be great entertainment but not much more than that. While the second and third segment are very cool, the first is just way to boring. I had hoped to see a bit more quality when I read that horror masters like Stephen King, George. A Romero, Tom Savini and Rick Wakeman joined together for the making of this film. The animation sequences between the stories were pretty cool though. 

Cannibal (2006)

For years now Cannibal on the internet has been known as one of the sickest films of all time. That's not really surprising when you know the true story that this film is based on. In short the true story is about a German cannibal named Armin Meiwes and his willing victim named Bernd Brandes, who wanted to be cannibalized. Sometimes I wonder how these individuals always manage to find each other.

The IMDB plot goes like this.
The Internet becomes a virtual shopping list for a man with an obsessive fetish for eating his fellow man. The technically inclined cannibal places a cyberspace advertisement for a willing victim, and his marketing efforts pay off when the gruesome madman receives a reply from eager prey. This macabre drama is a reenactment of the true story of Armin Meiwes, who was convicted of killing and eating his voluntary victim, Bernd-Jürgen Brandes. 

Cannibal is certainly not the most subtle film you'll ever see. The story doesn't have a whole lot of build up. The Man (the murdering cannibal) and The Flesh (the sicko who wanted to be eaten) quickly meet each other on the internet and decide to meet up in real life. What follows are 50 incredibly uncomfortable minutes filled with hairy legs, dicks, assholes and other kinds of homo erotics. It's all quite distasteful and I thought about shutting the movie down numerous times. I didn't do it though as my soul was already damaged by all the disgusting images and I might as well wait 'till it gets to the ''fun'' part where the cannibal starts slaughtering his ''meat''. 

After about an hour the movie starts to get bloody. ''The Flesh'' gets castrated and manages to take a piss right after his dick got cut off. Can it get anymore gross?! Apparently it can 'cause they cook the penis and have a nice dinner with candles and everything. This however isn't a success because the penis is so tough and leathery that they can't eat it. Eventually ''The Flesh'' dies, not before puking on the cannibal's back and squirting liquid shit all over the place, and the cannibal gets ready to get rid of his insides and carve him out like a pumpkin on halloween. This is where the movie, according to many online, really starts getting out of control with some of the nastiest shit you'll ever see. The gore didn't quite catch me though. Sure it was good but it was not on a level I had never seen before. 

What makes this movie so uncomfortable for the most part is the sick, gloomy and realistic atmosphere that this movie breaths. At times I had the feeling that I was watching a documentary that left nothing to the imagination. Another remarkable thing about this film is that there is hardly any dialogue. It's mostly just weird images supported by, some rather good, music. The use of light and camerawork creates a strange kind of feeling, almost like you're experiencing a nightmare. 

Does Cannibal deserve its reputation? I guess it does. It's all very, very gross but in my opinion it's mainly the story and strange camerawork that creates the type of vibe that just makes you feel uneasy. That doesn't mean I thought it was a very good movie though. The first 50 minutes that are largely filled with naked guys running around was getting on my nerves quite quickly. It's not like I'm homophobic but after a while I felt like it wasn't adding anything to the story. Cannibal is one of those films that is really hard to judge. It succeeds in what it tries to do: shock and make you feel uneasy. But was it a good movie? Not really in my opinion...

Blood Runs Cold (2011)

Over the years scandinavia has proven to be a great producer of entertaining horror films. Dead Snow (2009), Cold Prey (2006), Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (2009), Rovdyr (2008) and Insane (2010) are just a few examples of some great horror films that have come from Scandinavia. And Blood Runs Cold is another one you can add to that list.

Winona, a successful artist looking to get away from her stressful life. Her manager rents her a house in her home town where she runs in to an old boyfriend. They go back to the house, only to find out it is not as empty as they assumed. 

Blood Runs Cold only runs for 74 minutes and you'd think that therefore director Sonny Laguna would choose for a fast and booming movie. That's not the case though as the first 35 minutes are filled with uninteresting characters bullshitting about uninteresting shit. Andreas Rylander is probaly the only one who, due to his humor, is slightly entertaining. And then the killing starts..... Even though the director claims to have made this film with only a 5000 Dollar budget the kill and fightscenes look really, really great. Some very effective camerawork as well and thankfully they didn't shy away from the gore either. One thing did bother me though -----> main character 'Winona', played by Hanna Oldenburg who unfortunately lacks acting talent. Her complete friendzone just got violently wiped away from the planet and even though the killing took place in the same house and the victims squealed like pigs Winona managed to sleep through everything. When she finally wakes up she doesn't seem to find it strange that all her friends, who stayed over for the night, just disappeared and don't answer their phone. Never mind the broken glass and blood traces, I'll just clean it up, have a wine and go on with my daily routine. 

These are the kind of things that really annoy the hell out of me and unfortunately Blood Runs Cold has quite a few of these ridiculous actions by their characters. Still the camerawork, gore, tension and jump scares kept my attention. 'Cause all of these things are done really well in this movie. I almost shitted my pants at one of the jump scares. Another great thing about this movie is the cannibalistic, creepy as hell killer, who definitely had the potential to be the next Harry Warden (My Bloody Valentine) in terms of awesomeness if this movie had been presented to a bigger audience.    

Overall Blood Runs Cold is a pretty entertaining Swedish slasher movie that, even though the budget was incredibly tight, looks fairly professional, has great gore and tension and a creative and frightening killer. It easily wins the battle with bigger hollywood slasher productions like the Friday the 13th remake and to be honest I'm quite surprised that it has been three years and no sequel has been announced yet. Grab some beers, some snacks and enjoy a blooy and snowy ride.

Non-Horror Exploitation: Vendetta dal Futuro (A.K.A. Hands of Steel) (1986)

In the 80's the Italians pretty much ripped off any American film that made a few bucks so it shouldn't come as a surprise that they ripped off The Terminator as well. In 1984 James Cameron brought you The Terminator. Two years later Sergio Martino, who is most known for his giallo's from the 70's, brought us Vendetta dal Futuro (A.K.A. Hands of Steel).

Sinister industrialist Francis Turner, played by John Saxon, creates a cyborg known as Paco Queruak (Daniel Greene) who has been programmed to terminate the leader of an ecological faction that stands in the way of the dystopian country in which the story is set. After failing in his mission to eliminate the ecologist, Paco flees to Arizona where he must face his opponents; and ultimately choose between his humanity and robotic natures. 

In Hands of Steel Paco, played by Daniel Greene, is a cyborg who suddenly starts to feel human a bit more in stead of just a programmed machine. After a botched assassination he flees from the FBI and his own evil creators finds a place in the middle of the desert, runned by Linda where he can stay. Daniel Greene has got some big arms and does a decent job portraying the cyborg, although he's never great or really impressive. George Eastman, who portrays a truck driver/armwrestler with a huge ego, however is. Eastman really freshens things up with his lively performance and  his awesome one-liners. 

The soundtrack by Claudio Simonetti is used a lot in Hands of Steel which is great. Simonetti created an awesome catchy, cheesy score that will stay in you head for quite a while. The action scenes are decent, although never really great. It's mostly Simonetti's score that does the trick. That score would even make a game of chess look like an epic battle with explosions and guns. 

Obviously there are a few things that could have been done better. For example there is a very sentimental love story between Paco and Linda which really wasn't necessary, it made things a bit too cheesy. There are also a couple of ridiculously cheesy scene's where Paco meets a female cyborg and a scene where John Saxon chases Paco with an oversized lasergun. 

Overall Hands of Steel is an incredibly entertaining film that will definitely get you though a rainy Sunday. Enjoy the cheesy fights, awesome one-liners, George Eastman's role and above all: Claudio Simonetti's score.

(not so)Fun Facts (Source: IMDB)

Co-star Claudio Cassinelli died in a helicopter crash during filming in Arizona. 

 John Saxon, strictly adhering to Screen Actors Guild rules, refused to act in any scenes shot in America (all his scenes were shot in Italy) as this was not a union film. He credits SAG with saving his life as otherwise he would have likely been on the helicopter that crashed claiming the life of his co-star Claudio Cassinelli and has not violated any SAG guidelines since.